Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
