.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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