she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
