her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
