I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
