I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
