I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
