I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize