I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
