You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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