A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
