end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
