He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
