we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
