Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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