dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
