i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
