I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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