I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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