I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
