Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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