I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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