let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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