I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just puked most of my soul out..
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