Christians are straight up FREAKS
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
