His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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