I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
