so that wasnt chicken after all
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
