Apparently you make a good broom.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
