I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
