New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
