pop tarts are not kleenex
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
