is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
