Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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