I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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