at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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