and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
