pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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