he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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