i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
