Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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