Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
