the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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