i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
