He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
