I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
