Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The Olympian is in my bed
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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