I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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