i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
