I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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