did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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