I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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