ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
