Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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