I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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