i jhust puked up my retainher.
wanna go halves on a baby?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
