Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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