Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
