Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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