he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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