I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
