Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
