I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
