Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
