Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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