i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
