Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
