i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
